Come On Baby, Light My Fire
by kristleap
Summary: A short piece, set shortly after the Kira incident.


I find myself lying on Hutch's bed with my foot elevated and ice on my ankle. Leave it to me to roll my ankle while trying to run down a perp.

Hutch had to bring me here, literally against my will. I'm still hurt and angry over his betrayal with Kira. I thought I loved her and I know I love him. He threatens me with the hospital or this. I pick the lesser of two evils. Now that I'm here drowning in my memories, I think I should have gone to the hospital. What's a little antiseptic smell compared to the living hell of reliving these memories? My ankle is really throbbing and I'm not going to ask Hutch for anything. I hobble to the bathroom in search of some aspirin. I look in the medicine cabinet and spot the bottle. As I pull it out, other bottles topple out into the sink. As I put them back, I notice an old tube of analgesic heat rub. I pull it out and dust it off. An evil thought comes through my mind and I go into the bedroom and trade his tube of lubrication for the tube of analgesic. They're the same size and color. I lay it face down on his night stand. Hoping in the dark he won't notice the difference until it's too late. It would be a night he and Kira would never forget. The term of your loins on fire would take on a whole new meaning. I hobble back to the bathroom and put the lubrication face down in the space where the analgesic was. I even rub it in the dust on the shelf. I place all the bottles back and close the medicine cabinet. I turn the faucet on and swallowed the aspirin. I even take some toilet tissue and dry out the sink. I hobble back to the bedroom and lay down and elevate my foot and replace the ice. I have a good chuckle at the night of fiery passion he and Kira will have.

Present Time: 3 months later

I'm sitting on my couch after a long day of work. Hutch has a date and I'm just going to crash. I'm watching the late show and nodding off, when my phone rings. I go on instant alert and wonder who would be calling so late. Worried that something is wrong with Hutch, I race to the phone. The moment I pick it up I can hear Hutch yelling. I put it to my ear and wince as Hutch lets off a string of expletives that would make a sailor blush.

"Calm down and slow down Hutch! What's going on?"

"What the hell were you thinking, Starsk? Why would you do something like that? I thought we were back on good terms and why would you do that to Susan?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Hutch."

"I take Susan to bed for the first time and now she's in the shower, cussing me out between moans of pain."

I began laughing so hard, I can barely breath. "You don't seem to be in discomfort Hutch," I squeak out between gulps of air.

"I didn't get the chance to use it before she shot out of bed screaming. She ran to the bathroom, tripping over my guitar, breaking it. While reaching to balance herself, she knocked my record player to the floor. It's busted and my record is broken. On her way to the shower she's flailing her arms and knocked all my plants down and broke the mirror to the medicine cabinet."

Still laughing uncontrollably, I respond, "Well it's a good thing one of you are cool if not calm and collected."

"Screw you, Starsk. I didn't come off unscathed. She kicked me where it counts jumping off the bed and I stepped on the glass in the bathroom. Why did you do it? I thought we were back on track?"

That sobered me up pretty quickly. "We are, Hutch. I did that the day you took me there after I hurt my ankle. I left it there when you and I were having our troubles over Kira."

"Well I never had sex with her again after that day. In fact this is the first time I've started to have sex with anyone since then."

"Sorry Hutch. Look at it this way, you'll be able to hit those high notes now."

"Har har, Starsky! I will get you back for this and you won't see it coming."

Laughing again, I say "Come on Hutch, it could have been superglue and you'd be explaining to the doctors why your hand is glued to her monkey."

I can hear Susan screaming in the background. She's saying something about nothing's working, which makes me laugh even harder. I do feel sorry for her but damn this is too funny.

Hutch hears me laughing and with one final, "Screw you. Starsk!" he slams the phone down.

Still chuckling, I head to bed singing the chorus to the Doors' Light My Fire.

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